Gospel Story Finder

Years ago, while we were on an assignment together, Elder L. Tom Perry shared how he and his companion regularly ministered to a sister who lived alone in a rough Boston neighborhood. When Elder Perry and his companion arrived, the sister cautiously directed, “Slide your temple recommends under the door.” Only after seeing the temple recommends would she unbolt multiple locks and open the door. Of course, I am not saying ministering companionships need temple recommends. But I love the thought that as those who honor covenants minister, homes unlock and hearts open.

My father, who was raised in a farming village, was living in the city going to school when he met my mother. My mother was beginning her career as a professional opera singer. As they became acquainted, she introduced him to the Church. Although he had not been baptized yet, my parents married on February 18, 1967.
At the end of that year they were blessed with the arrival of my older brother. Eight months after his birth, the branch president received a revelation that the members should prepare to be led out of the country to a place where they could worship in freedom. In August 1968 the Russians invaded Czechoslovakia, creating chaos at the borders and throughout the country. The branch members who had obediently prepared escaped to Vienna, Austria.
My grandmother, who left the country with my parents, wrote: “At night when everybody in the apartment house slept, we said good-bye to our home and quietly slipped away in fear that the baby might start crying. We had to do all this in secret because we had in our building three spies who worked for the secret police. We were blessed by the Lord. We escaped. When we left we knew we [would] never return, but we didn’t know where we would go from Vienna either. At this time we couldn’t worry about it. The Lord revealed to the branch president His promises to us if we stay faithful to Him.”
My grandmother, my parents, and two other families lived in the basement of the Böcklinstrasse church building in Vienna for over a month. During this month my father took the missionary discussions and was baptized. Many members of the three families found jobs, and they pooled their wages together until they were all able to immigrate to Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Due to bad weather in Calgary, their plane landed in Edmonton on November 5, 1968.

Following the kind introduction, I think it is appropriate for you to know of an incident in my educational past. Sister Cardon and I enjoyed living in the Boston area during our time at Harvard. For those of you who have lived in or visited the area, you know that the roads are sometimes full of curves over uneven terrain. At the end of the academic year I drove with Sister Cardon to the school to retrieve one of my final papers, whereupon I learned that although my final grade for the course was what I had hoped, the grade for this paper, although respectable, was not.

When we returned to the car, I handed the paper to Sister Cardon, and she began reading as we drove along a curvy, hilly road—not the best experience for one prone to motion nausea. After some time we came to a stop, and Sister Cardon put the paper down and said, “Honey, I just finished reading your paper, and I think I’m going to be sick.”

My only response was, “I’m sorry you feel that way, dear, but evidently it had the same effect on the professor.”

“When I was five, my father was called on a mission. My mother and we three children missed him very much during the two years he was gone, but I also know that the Lord blessed our family. One day my younger brother fell under a piece of moving farm equipment, a disc harrow. His head was seriously cut, and the doctor came to our home. While my brother lay on the kitchen table, the doctor sewed him up and told us that he wouldn’t live much longer. That was on Wednesday. When the doctor came to check my brother again on Saturday, we were playing at my uncle’s place. My brother was climbing around in the top of an apricot tree. The doctor took the bandages off my brother’s head and was amazed that the wound had healed. It was truly a miracle.”

When Grace and I were a young married couple life was very tough. We always struggled to make both ends meet. In some miraculous way, they always do. There was a time when bills were due and there was no food on the table, neither was there any money to take care of both. We actually considered pawning our wedding ring but the appraisal was not very promising. It wasn't worth much so we ran the risk of losing it for almost nothing. So, we abandoned that plan. Again, we survived that crisis.

We bought our first washing machine 4 years into our marriage. What a relief that was. We got our first beat up van when our oldest child was 10 years old.

Sometimes, as married couples, we become impatient, and we want things to happen faster, we want comfort to come faster. We wish we had parents who were millionaires and would give us a big inheritance when we get married, so we didn't have to go through those things again. If you asked us now, would we go through all of those struggles again? The answer is a resounding: "Yes we will!" Those were times when we were experiencing a lot of growth and strength of character individually and as a couple. Those were times when our love for each other started to really blossom from what we thought was already a perfect relationship when we got married.

So, be patient and do what the Lord tells you to do. Pay your tithes and offerings without fail. They always come first. That is the only way the Lord can perform miracles for you to witness.

Please share this recent experience I had while visiting in South America. I was traveling with a mission president 200 miles from his office. Word reached him one of his elders was in the hospital with a ruptured appendix. His condition was grave because of the six- to seven-hour delay in getting medical attention. The mission president gave immediate instructions by telephone, getting the best physician possible, leading sixty missionaries assembled in zone conference in united prayer. He and his wife were at the elder’s bedside the following morning. Prayers continued, medical attention increased, companions took turns sitting at his bedside around the clock. Parents in Idaho were notified. “The best is being done for your son. We feel he will make it. Please have your family join us in our prayers.”

Here was friendship in action. Here was a friend at work. Here was an example of leaving the ninety and nine for the immediate attention of the one.

My husband’s graduate school had been expensive, so we looked forward to a job that would help us pay off our debts. We were offered several positions but felt best about a professorship in Hawaii. However, when our contract arrived, the salary was lower than we had discussed. We were informed that there was a new policy and negotiation was not an option. We had felt sure about the new job, so we signed the contract anyway.
We loved Hawaii, my husband loved his job, and we were blessed as a family. Things seemed to be going well with our student-debt payments until the credit card company informed us that our new interest rate would be 14 percent instead of our current 3 percent. We argued that we always made our payments on time and that had paid down a lot of the debt already. But the company was adamant.
First, we did some creative financing, transferring our balance to different credit cards with short-term zero percent interest rates. Then we started cutting costs. We drastically reduced our food, clothing, and diapers budget for our seven-person family. We lived on our food storage. Every morning we ate oatmeal; every afternoon we ate homemade bread; and every evening we ate rice and beans. There were no luxuries such as butter, fresh milk, or juice. After we paid tithing and basic expenses, all of our income went to paying off our credit cards.
Six months later, we had paid off 90 percent of our debt! The Lord had multiplied our income in miraculous ways. We were able to quickly pay off the remaining debt, and we are very thankful. My daughter still complains about when she had to eat oatmeal every morning, but I know that by paying our tithing and obeying the prophet, we were blessed financially and temporally.

“My family, and especially my father, was very strict in disciplining the children in our home,” Elder Kikuchi recalls. “Those on my father’s side of the family are from the Samurai, and the Samurai way is very strict. In ancient Japan, the Samurai were the rulers and in those days they fought with swords.

“Every morning when I would get up, I had to dress—even when I was very small—and come before my father on the tatami [mat]. Then I would bow and say, ‘Good morning, Father, I will be a good boy.’ After that greeting I could go to breakfast. I remember one particular morning when I was four years old that I got up and forgot to say those words to my father. He became angry and scolded me. And I was very surprised when he opened the door and threw me outside into the snow. We lived in the northern part of Japan, and there is plenty of snow there in the wintertime. I remember that day so clearly when Father threw me into the snow just because I didn’t say, ‘Good morning, Father, I will be a good boy.’”

Elder Kikuchi recollected further that he ran to his uncle’s house that morning to stay for a while.

“But I have to say about my father,” Elder Kikuchi continued, “that every morning after I bowed and told him I would be a good boy, he held me to his bosom and said, ‘I love you.’ I remember that his beard scratched me when he did this, but I always knew he loved me.”

Once, when we were still new converts and were living in my father’s house, the bishop came to visit. My father threw him out. He said he did not want members of the Church in his house. The bishop was inspired to call us in for an interview. He said that members and missionaries were not going to visit us in our home for a while so as not to antagonize our family. He said that we needed to be strong and that we would receive many blessings if we continued on the strait and narrow path.
We could not move to a house of our own due to my employment situation. I could not find good work as I had done before. I worked a little at jobs that didn’t pay much, but we managed to pay our tithes and offerings, attend church, and buy the food we needed. The Lord multiplied our blessings, and we were truly happy.

I have experienced this for myself. I remember a time when a personal disappointment had left me exquisitely lonely. One day while searching the scriptures for consolation, I had the impression that I needed to focus on one particular verse. That verse led me to hundreds of others in what became a period of intense searching. But it wasn’t until three years later that another passage leaped out at me as if in neon. Only then was I given to understand what the Lord had been trying to teach me all that time about the power of the Atonement to ease our burdens. Some of the clearest promptings I have ever received have come while being immersed in the scriptures. They are a conduit for revelation. They teach us the language of the Spirit.

I conclude with an experience Sister Bednar and I had with President and Sister Hinckley. We were eating dinner together at a banquet in Salt Lake City shortly after President Hinckley had returned from a demanding international trip. During the course of our conversation I asked President Hinckley this question, "President, given your travel schedule and the demands of your office, how do you keep up?" He smiled warmly and responded, "David, I do not keep up. I travel through so many time zones that when I am supposed to be wide awake, I am sleepy. When I am supposed to be sleepy, I am wide awake. The paperwork and other demands in the office are never ending." He then smiled and said something I will never forget: "But, David, I just keep going." Can you and I hear and recognize and feel the faith in that answer by the President of the Church. When he is tired, he just keeps going. When circumstances look difficult and even discouraging, he just keeps going. Regardless of the challenge, he just keeps going. In light of this episode with President Hinckley, please consider again the statement by the Prophet Joseph Smith: ". . . faith is . . . the principle of action in all intelligent beings."

Think also of all the lifetime friendships that missionaries establish with people they teach and baptize. I will never forget an experience I had in Texas. When I called one of the young men to report to the mission home for a closing interview prior to his return home, he asked if a brother he had taught and baptized might bring him in.

I was in the mission office when the two arrived. They obviously loved each other; they talked and they talked. I began to get a little impatient because I had a crowded schedule and needed to interview the boy. I pressed the young man to come in. As he looked at the new convert, the tears welled in his eyes, and he said, “Thank you so much for bringing me down.” The new convert quickly said, “Oh no, Elder, thank you for lifting me up.” What a sermon in those words, and what love expressed between the two! The friendships we establish in the mission field with companions and converts become eternal.

Early in my professional life, Sister Homer and I were asked to accept a change in job assignment. At the time, it seemed to us a huge decision. We studied, we fasted, and we prayed, but an answer was slow to come. Eventually, we made a decision and pressed forward. As we did, we felt settled and soon learned that it was one of the best decisions we had ever made.
As a result, we have learned that answers are sometimes slow to come. This can be because it is not the right time, because an answer is not needed, or because God trusts us to make the decision ourselves. Elder Richard G. Scott once taught that we should be grateful for such times and made this promise: “When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. … God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision.”

This is one of my favorite scriptures because I want to always be trustworthy and to have integrity. Honesty is an important part of integrity. I learned this important truth the hard way when I was about six years old.
At the time, I lived in a little town in Western Canada called Raymond. I had a brother who was five years older than I, and one day he and some of his friends were playing a game in the dining room of our house. I wasn’t part of the game, but I was watching them play, and I noticed that one of his friends, Marilyn, had left her purse by the side of the chair where she was sitting.
Being young, I did something that I shouldn’t have done. While my brother and his friends were distracted, I sneaked over to her purse and looked inside. I noticed some money there, including a dime. I decided she would not miss the dime, so I put it in my pocket. I left everything else in her purse the same, hoping she wouldn’t notice.
Not too long after my theft, I was playing in the other room when I heard a commotion from the dining room. I heard Marilyn say that someone had taken money out of her purse.
My father was home at the time and, being a man who did not tolerate misbehavior in his children, immediately asked, “Who took money out of Marilyn’s purse?” Well, hearing that, and not being very wise, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.
Of course, this immediately clarified who had taken the dime. My father knocked on the door and asked me to come out, but I refused to open the door. I stayed inside the bathroom quite a long time. I hoped that if I stayed there long enough, people would calm down and I wouldn’t get in trouble. Unfortunately, this plan backfired, and the longer I stayed locked in the bathroom, the more upset my father became.
When I finally came out of the bathroom, my father said to me, “Do you know what happens to people who steal money?”
“No,” I said.
“Well, they go to jail,” he answered.
My father was a doctor, and because he was also the coroner for our small town, he had a good relationship with a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. We called them “Mounties.” My father telephoned the Mountie and explained what had happened. The Mountie kindly invited my father and me to see the jail.
I remember vividly my father driving me down to city hall and walking me up the steps where the Mountie met us. The Mountie took me back to the jail cell. I still remember looking inside the bars and seeing the little bed and wondering if that was where I was going to be sleeping that night. Of course, by this time, I was crying my eyes out. I was the most repentant kid you’ve ever seen.
My dad then took me aside and said, “If you’re not honest, if you steal people’s money, this is where you’ll end up.” He didn’t have to say anything more. I had learned my lesson. I gave Marilyn her dime back and apologized.
But more frightening than the jail was the fear that I had lost the trust of my mother and father. I resolved that night to never put myself in a situation again where I would lose their trust.

I smile a little bit when I hear that now, because there is a fellow about my age that works up at the Church office near me, and he is trying to keep himself physically as well as spiritually fit. So every day he slips over to the Deseret Gym and the other day while he was working out by playing handball—and he is a very vigorous competitor—he reached for a ball that bounced out of the court, trying so hard to recover it that he snapped a hamstring muscle in his right leg. You know that that smarts a little bit.

Grabbing his leg, he hobbled back to the dressing room, showered, and then limped back to Church headquarters in excruciating pain. An elevator arrived, and who but President Kimball should get off? Seeing my friend nursing his limpy leg, he asked, “What’s the matter?”
My friend is kind of quick on the draw, and he replied, “President, I just snapped my hamstring muscle trying to lengthen my stride.” There is a lot to that.

I was in the military—had not been on a mission, had not had any college, and often was alone. We often are alone, all of us, in our lives. I became a product of the Book of Mormon.

I have here a small, serviceman’s copy of the Book of Mormon. It is bound in leather, real leather. I picked up an old leather pilot’s flight jacket in the wreckage of our headquarters on the little island of Ie Shima in the Ryukyu Islands. It was wet, and the building was torn all to pieces. Everything on the island was destroyed by a hurricane. I rescued the old leather pilot’s jacket from the wreckage. The cover of my Book of Mormon was getting very torn, so I gave it a leather cover, genuine leather. I sewed it on myself. The bindings I took from the strings of a parachute that likewise had been ruined.

I do not know whether it has any meaning, but there was one other thing I picked up in that wreckage of the orderly room: a dictionary. I found out you cannot find anything unless you know how to spell it before you look! That became part of my education.

One preparatory event happened when I was in an auto accident while visiting France. Moments after I was strongly prompted to fasten my seat belt, the car skidded and plummeted down a 20-foot (6-m) embankment. Because of the warning voice and because I regained use of my feet and legs while others with similar injuries are often left permanently paralyzed, I began to understand that a divine power much greater than I was in control.

My husband and I are serving a live-at-home mission in a tiny branch in Tuskegee, Alabama. Another wonderful young family has also been called to serve there. They have two Primary-age children—Matthew (9) and his brother Marcus (4). They travel about an hour every Sunday and Wednesday to help strengthen the branch. The father of the family is a counselor in the branch presidency, and each Sunday they all arrive at 8:00 a.m. so he can attend his presidency meeting. They stay until the tithes and offerings have been counted and recorded around 2:00 p.m. It is a very full day for the children, but they are happy and well-behaved. Before and after meetings they read scriptures with their mom and older sister or talk quietly. Often they are the only two children in Primary, where they say the prayers almost every week. On Wednesday evenings they help clean and vacuum the building or empty garbage while their mom teaches Mutual. They both plan to serve full-time missions when they are old enough.

Week after week, my frustration grew. With three small, active children and a busy high-councilor husband who would soon be serving as a mission president, I was finding it harder and harder to stay at a high spiritual level. Church attendance helped, but with my husband often away on assignment, I was left alone on Sunday to quiet one child’s impatient feet, dry another’s tears, or change the baby’s diaper. My spirit desperately craved nourishment.
I knew what I needed to do, but I didn’t know how to make it work. The words I had seen displayed a hundred different times in a hundred different lessons were engraved indelibly on my mind:
Pray Always
Read the Scriptures
Live the Commandments
I was keeping the commandments. I was praying, or thought I was. And I was trying to read the scriptures whenever time permitted. It’s just that time didn’t permit my reading very often. Most of my days were spent in rushing from one household crisis to another, hardly finding time to read the instructions on the laundry detergent box, let alone anything uplifting like the scriptures.
Besides, what did Lehi’s journey to the promised land have to do with my problems? Where was the chapter and verse in the Book of Mormon that tells how to bathe a stubborn two-year-old or get a four-year-old to pick up his toys? I was sure I had more relevant things to worry about than who was going to win the next Nephite-Lamanite war. I had three children fighting with each other all the time.
And so the weeks and months flew by, full of household tasks and Church responsibilities. I met the children’s demands and needs willingly because I knew this was what the Lord wanted from me at this time in my life. But I still couldn’t find time to read the scriptures. There was only so much one person could do, I rationalized defensively. Wasn’t I doing everything expected of me? If so, where were the promised blessings—the joy, the peace of mind? What spiritual growth could one possibly get from sweeping floors and changing diapers? How could I blend the day-to-day chores and responsibilities of child-raising with the celestial peace for which my spirit hungered?
Something had to be done—my spirit was suffering. I was desperate. I discovered that the only quiet time I had was when I locked myself in a room two or three times a day so I could have a private, heart-to-heart talk with Heavenly Father. I really poured my heart out.
Several weeks later, our bishop called me to be the Spiritual Living teacher in Relief Society. This wasn’t the kind of help I had expected, but I took a deep breath and accepted. That call changed my life. The daily study and preparation it took for me to give those lessons taught me two things. First, if the incentive were strong enough—in this case, fear that I wouldn’t be prepared—I found the time to read the scriptures. Second, I learned that when I prayerfully searched the scriptures, I found they contain the answer to every question and dilemma.
One day it occurred to me that if the scriptures can answer all the questions in the Relief Society manual, they ought to be able to answer questions about rearing children. I began reading the Book of Mormon with a purpose. Whenever I discovered an example of parenting, I wrote down the reference with a brief note. When I finished, I organized the examples I’d discovered into principles taught and my applications of each principle.
For example, I was having a hard time getting the children to cooperate. They would fight with each other, ignore my request to help with small jobs until I became insistent or angry, and act up or show off at the most inconvenient times. Alma’s interviews with his sons in Alma 36–42 made me realize how well he knew each one as an individual and how crucial a personal relationship with each child is. My husband, Douglas, and I began holding interviews periodically with each child and doing things alone with each one. It helped to set aside special days or times with each child and make bedtime less hectic and more personal. We found that by treating our children as individuals, they felt less need to seek our attention in negative ways. As they became more sure of themselves and their place in the family, they became more cooperative.
Another example of good parenting is found in 2 Nephi 28:30 [2 Ne. 28:30], where the Lord explains that he teaches us only that which we are ready to accept and understand. We are taught step-by-step as our faith and obedience increases. When we applied this principle to our children, we discovered that we needed to know what each child was capable of understanding, doing, and feeling at different ages. Then we would not ask them to do more than the child was capable of handling.
As I began making scripture study a part of my daily routine, I also began to examine how I kept the commandments. By changing my attitude, I was able to view homemaking and parenthood not as duties but as opportunities to become more like my own heavenly parents.
It isn’t always easy to keep this perspective when the children are quarreling and the pile of dirty clothes is as high as the pile of dirty dishes. But these occasional setbacks are easier to handle if my spirit isn’t suffering from a lack of nourishment. Now when I give a Relief Society lesson, I can share my testimony, with conviction, that there isn’t a question or problem we encounter that we can’t answer by searching the scriptures.
The following represents my favorite Book of Mormon child-raising scriptures. Others may find additional verses that apply.
Principle
Reference
Application
1. Father (or mother, if there is no father in the home) is to be the spiritual leader in the family and is responsible for teaching the children.
1 Ne. 1:1
1 Ne. 15:30
1 Ne. 16:23–27
The father presides at family home evening, bears testimony to the family, studies the scriptures daily with them, is an example, conducts daily family prayer, presides at family councils, and honors his priesthood.
2. Parental responsibility for both parents begins when the child is an infant; the role is eternal.
2 Ne. 4:5–6
Alma 56:47–48Mosiah 27
A close, consistent relationship is necessary to develop a child’s trust in the parent. Parents must never give up on a child, but continue to pray for, love, and bless him or her.
3. A one-on-one relationship is crucial.
Alma 36–42
Hold personal interviews periodically. Do things one-on-one so that each child has special moments with his or her parents.
4. Know each child as an individual.
3 Ne. 26:9
Find out what children at various developmental stages are capable of physically, mentally, and emotionally. Don’t expect too much too soon. Children must learn to trust a parent before they can trust themselves.
5. Parents must be humble, teachable, and willing to admit mistakes and repent.
Alma 36
Admit parental errors, misplaced blame, and harshness. Ask for forgiveness.
6. A child learns best when taught by example.
3 Ne. 27:21, 27
Alma 25:17
Demonstrate your values about the Sabbath day, wholesome books and movies, education, self-control, honesty, respect for authority, etc. Verbalize your beliefs and discuss them with your children.
7. A child learns best through praise, positive reinforcement, and expressions of parental faith and trust.
3 Ne. 27–30
Hel. 10:5
Enos 1:1–8
Trust your children to do well, and praise them when they do well. If they fail, let them know you are disappointed but that you still love them and are willing to let them try again.
8. Correct children when necessary, then show an abundance of love for them.
Hel. 15:3
Ether 2:14
Make sure your children know you love them, in spite of their mistakes. Teach them about their potential as children of God.
9. Set the rule and allow the natural consequences to follow.
1 Ne. 8:37–38
Alma 303 Ne. 27:16–20
Ether 3:19, 26
Set a rule together, discuss the consequences, then let your children use their agency to govern behavior. Resist saying “I told you so” or sparing the children the consequences altogether.
10. Teach children to use their agency.
Alma 24:12–18Hel. 14:30–31
Allow children to make small decisions in early childhood to develop confidence and wisdom. As they grow older, they can make more important decisions.
11. Listen, listen, listen! Don’t be quick to advise or condemn.
Alma 20 (negative example of fathering)
Things are not always what they appear to be. Give children the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume the worst. Children often need someone to listen while they talk through their problems. Don’t be quick to give help; rather, help them determine a solution.
12. Discipline is necessary. It should be tailored or made to the needs of each child.
Mosiah 26:25–36Alma 30:43–53Mosiah 4:14–15
Methods of discipline are made for each child: Separate an offender from others by placing the child in a specific area or room; have the child remain at home, away from negative influences, where mother or father can give support in making decisions; have the child work alongside a brother or sister with whom he or she has been fighting; to help solve disagreements, let them act out their roles to see the other’s point of view.
13. Teach children to love work and to serve others.
Mosiah 4:15–16Mosiah 6:6–7
Children need to serve one another and the family to feel worthwhile.

As the day for the high school’s Sixties Dance approached, the Seminary Friends decided it would be fun to attend with their seminary partners. The group got together and made tie-dyed T-shirts, then organized van rides for the group of 24.
The evening was a success. The students jumped up and down together for the fast songs and held hands and danced in a big circle for the slow songs. Everyone had a good time.
For the special-needs students, the dance was a first, and their reactions were particularly enthusiastic. “My favorite thing was dancing with the boys,” says Jané Peart.
“It was my first date, but there were many, many girls,” signs Timothy Smith. “I like it because I’m a good dancer.”
“It was so fun to see Timothy smile and laugh and dance,” says Aundi Robison, one of the Seminary Friends. She is learning sign language to better communicate with her special-needs partner. “Timothy flexed his muscles for the girls. I’ve never seen him laugh so much.”